Text: Phila Tyekana. Photographer: Isaac Mofokeng. Article from the November 2012 issue of Bona Magazine.
After two years of struggling with drugs and an abusive relationship songstress Kelly Khumalo turns 30 this month and has been clean for a year now.
We’ve been fooled so many times by celebrities who claim to be coming off drugs and turning over a new leaf, that when a story of yet another troubled star comes out, many of us have lost interest. Their tales of doom and gloom are identical, as if they were created by the same tabloid-master. First comes the ground-breaking confession that they’ve been living a life filled with drugs. Then it’s the period in rehab to convince the public they’re clean. But before you know it, they’re back at square one.
It’s no wonder that when Kelly Khumalo came out earlier this year with her story of love, drugs and abuse, it came with plenty of mixed reactions. She’d lied about being a virgin before, why wouldn’t she be lying about this too? She’d posted pictures on social networks of herself bruised and bleeding after a fight with former lover, rapper Molemo “Jub Jub” Maarohanye but soon after she was featured in a magazine confessing her undying love for him. Why should anyone believe her story now?
But Kelly doesn’t care; she’s here to share her story not to explain herself to anyone. Whether you choose to believe it or not, Kelly’s living her truth and coming clean with her past to inspire others and heal old wounds.
Revealing it all
All of Kelly’s secrets are laid bare in her new reality show, Rolling With Kelly. “I was nervous and scared in the weeks before the show started but I had to trust God and know that He wouldn’t set me up for failure or embarrassment, so that gave me hope. I thought of the worst case scenarios like being laughed at and embarrassing myself, but I realised it was more than that; Rolling With Kelly is about sharing my life and having someone learn from my experiences to better themselves. Opening myself up and reliving old wounds was very emotional as I had to go back to that dark time in my life where I was hurting the most and relive it in front of the camera. Seeing myself like that made me realise how hard my life was before but when the camera started rolling I let loose and the words came pouring out naturally. I knew then that coming clean was something I was meant to do.”
Making a comeback without letting the fans in on the drama of the past two years life of drugs and an abusive relationship with Jub Jub – wouldn’t have gone down well with people, and Kelly agrees. The show is part of her healing process, a road to discovery, she admits. The wounds haven’t healed just yet, talking about the physical fights with Jub Jub, the drugs and going broke still hurts. But talking about it and coming clean helps bring peace and allows Kelly the opportunity to move on with her life. “I honestly couldn’t care less about the negativity thrown my way. I know who I am now; I’m a person who’s come clean to the world to begin a new era in my life and simply being open minded with no drug secret or bad relationship holding me back.”
Dimming her own light
Before us is a star who has made it big on the South African music scene. Her previous albums, TKO and Itshitshi, had smash hits blasted across local radio stations. But things took a turn for the worse; that first sniff of cocaine back in 2009 to please Molemo on his birthday would lead to her losing her power and stardom. A dark force took over, her life became only about scoring another fix of the drugs and feeding both hers and Molemo’s addiction to cocaine. “My world suddenly turned into shades of darkness: Molemo and I beating each other up – dark! Us taking drugs – dark! Him standing in the way of my career – dark! I’d decided before that I’d leave him; the struggle was getting the courage to actually walk away. Walking away from any addiction isn’t easy, my mind, body and spirit were addicted to Molemo. On top of that I was addicted to what he was addicted to, the drugs. I’d walk away at times but there’d be this thing pulling me back to him, almost whispering in my ear that he needed me. I tried five times to leave him but always went back. When I did eventually leave, I left him at a parking lot somewhere and I just drove away. I went home to my mom in Spruitview but a part of me still wanted to see him. A few days later he called and wanted to see our son, Christian. When he came, we fought like animals who wanted to kill each other. We ended up at the police station and that’s when I knew I was better off without him because even a simple thing like visiting his son led to us fighting. Our relationship ended up being too toxic.”
As for that magazine spread where Kelly confessed her undying love for Jub Jub and that things were happy between them; “That was a complete lie; the abuse had started long before that shoot. A week before, we’d had a huge fight and weren’t even staying together; I was home with my mom. I put on a huge smile and pretended that things were fine while deep down I was hurting and so disgusted by him. All for the sake of giving a magazine an exclusive I smiled as the camera clicked on.”
The drugs tormented her life both awake and asleep, “When I’m in the right space of mind, I fly in my dreams. When I started taking drugs, oh man, everything went crazy! My dreams didn’t have me flying at all. I was always falling off a cliff to the ground or just flying around in circles. That frightened me because I knew I was slowly losing myself and I had to change things fast. When I eventually did, I started flying again, not as high as before but flying nonetheless,” Kelly says, happy to be speaking about that dark space in past tense.
Feeling stronger
It’s been six months since Kelly came clean about her addiction. She’d been attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings in a recreation hall in Paterson Park, Johannesburg. In our chat she admits she hasn’t gone to a meeting in a month because of her busy schedule of shooting and recording. She feels stronger now too and not as broken as before. “The meetings are empowering. When I started going, I was afraid and embarrassed people in the meeting would recognise me and start pointing fingers or go to the press. I got over that quickly though, the meetings are important for a recovering addict plus I hold no shame in coming out and speaking about my addiction.” Currently the songstress takes each day as it comes and doesn’t want to make promises she can’t keep about never falling off the wagon again. “I pray I never go back. If God wants to teach me a lesson or awaken me to something else I pray the struggle is not with drugs. Getting off the drugs isn’t easy, just like in the movies I’d sit in a corner shaking and praying my mother didn’t see me. She knew of the drugs though, I’d hide stashes around the house. I’m sure she found one at some point.”
During our interview, Kelly talks a lot about God, her faith in Him and how she never lost touch with Him. “Even during my drug days, I’d be so high off drugs but praying to God asking Him what He wanted me to do with my life. I’d go to church high, that’s how much I love God. Even during those bad days He never left my lips or mind. I’d always talk to Him because I knew He’d give me the strength to leave that life behind.”
Kelly’s idol, Whitney Houston passed away earlier this year from a drug overdose. That was the wake-up call Kelly believes God was showing her. If she continued with the drugs, she knew she’d end up dead just like her idol. “I stayed in bed the entire day crying when I heard the news. I was crying for Whitney but also for myself. God was giving me such a huge warning sign with Whitney’s death, it was unbelievable. God hadn’t taken away the average Joe on the street also suffering from a drug addiction like me, he took the one person I admired and idolised like He was saying “you’re going to be next if you don’t stop!”
My world suddenly turned into shades of darkness: Molemo and I beating each other up – dark! Us taking drugs — dark! Him standing in the way of my career – dark!
Going broke
Kelly didn’t sing during her addiction, she confesses she hated herself every time she tried. She felt too guilty to use her God-given talent while on drugs so she decided to stop singing altogether. When the drugs became too much Kelly prayed to God that He would take away her money so she wouldn’t have the resources to go buy them. Her prayers came true, she found herself going broke. First it was the lights she couldn’t pay for anymore, then the water bill and eventually her house in Bassonia was taken away too. Mzansi’s once hottest ‘it’ girl with the best weaves, nails, car and house found herself sleeping in her car. “I said that prayer because I knew if I wanted the money back I could always have it but I prayed to God to give me back my money when He trusted I was in the right state of mind. All the rivers ran dry and things got uncomfortable, I was broke and couldn’t afford anything. Surprisingly the one thing that didn’t get repossessed was my car, the same vehicle I drove away from Molemo in that day in the parking lot.”
Molemo: The sad monster
In a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey, pop-singer Rihanna spoke about her recovery after then-boyfriend Chris Brown had beaten her up. She admitted to feeling sad for him as people would see him as a monster for beating her and wouldn’t focus on what the real issue was that caused him to act that way. After being humiliated in the public eye by an abusive boyfriend, Kelly can relate to Rihanna’s story. “Molemo is broken inside; he acts like a monster because he’s treated like a monster, especially after the accident. He too feels like a monster. I don’t feel sorry for him though, I take that back, because we allow everything that comes into our lives, so he’s allowed himself to be a monster.”
Kelly stopped recognising the person she had become in her relationship with Jub Jub. “When we’d fight, I’d drive off hating myself, looking at myself in the mirror and asking what was happening to me? Who was I turning into – why was I hitting Molemo, swearing and calling him names? Why was I suddenly a mirror image of what he was doing to me? It’s not who I am! When the drugs got the better of me, it was a struggle but I got myself off of them,” says Kelly.
So does she care about what he thinks now? And isn’t she afraid of what he’ll do or say now that she has come clean about their rocky relationship? The answer is a firm “no”. Kelly couldn’t be bothered about what he has to say, she tells us she’s sharing her life with SA and he happens to have played a huge role in it, so he should deal with it. The couple had spoken of marriage too but Kelly says it wasn’t out of love but rather a plan by Molemo to tie her down as he could see she was slowly pulling away from him.
Picking up the pieces
Today, Kelly’s life seems to be on the up. Other than her reality show, she’s back to singing and has released her third album titled, The Past, The Present, The Future. A book on her life, The Kelly Khumalo Story, written by author, Melinda Ferguson, was also released last month. And to top it all off, she’s trying her hand at acting again too. She’s back in her role as Sunay on e-tv’s Rhythm City, while a wannabe ‘it’ girl role in the comedy Scroof & Sexy, set for release on DVD is also on the cards. She’s happy as a mom to Christian and says one day when he’s old enough she’ll explain everything to him.
The new Kelly is healthy, happy and fulfilled. We walked away convinced that she is taking charge of her life again… and we like it!
