Your child is preparing to leave home and this can be a time of emptiness and sadness for many parents – if these emotions aren’t dealt with, a deep seated depression can set in.
Parents are faced with having to let go throughout their time with their children. Starting from birth, sending them off to school and finally when they go off to university or move into their own homes. This is a process of life and of being a parent and there are steps you can take to alleviate the stress of releasing your child into the world.
Help your child prepare for the departure
If you have a time period to work with, use this time to go over the basic survival and coping skills your child will need to successfully manage on their own.
If your child suddenly lets you know they are moving out don’t show them that you are concerned, rather let them know that you support their decision and if they need any assistance, you are there for them.
See the departure as an adventure
Initially your child could be terrified at the prospect of living on their own or may have concerns about failure. Reassure them that they are more than capable of succeeding and that having their own home will be an adventure and can be loads of fun.
Remind your child that your home will always be open to them, as this will provide both you and your child with a sense of safety and belonging. However, don’t secretly wish they will come back and don’t sort things out for them – allow them to take risks and grow at their own pace.
Keep up communications
Once your child has settled into their new home, you’ll be feeling a sense of emptiness and loneliness. It is vital to keep up with constant communication to maintain a sense of family togetherness. Explore meeting up or having dinner as a family once a week to touch base and catch up on news.
Over time your child may not respond as frequently to your calls or texts as they did initially. This does not mean they have stopped caring, just that they are developing other relationships and dealing with their own pressures in life. Don’t take it personally and be sensitive to their need to become their own adult person.
“Selfhood begins with a walking away – And love is proved in the letting go.” Day-Lewis.
Psychological symptoms
Empty nest syndrome affects mostly women and often coincides with other major events in life, such as illness, menopause or retirement. Women are impacted largely because motherhood is viewed as a primary role for both stay-at-home and working moms and many women dedicate themselves for an average of 20 years.
Psychologists feel that the transition can take around 18 months to two years and feel it’s vital to allow yourself the time to work through your loss, grieve and rebuild your life. It is normal and a healthy reaction to feel sad and cry a little.
There is a problem if you’re feeling lost, unworthy, redundant and unsure about the future or you are unable to stop crying excessively. Especially if this affects your ability to get on with your life, socialise with friends and resume activities. Don’t be hard on yourself and seek support from friends or a professional, sometimes a listening ear can do the world of good.
Looking to your own needs
Once your child is set up on the right path, you’ll start noticing that you have a lot more time to yourself. This can be a gaping hole, which will leave you feeling more miserable or can rather be used as an opportunity to revive some of your own pursuits and interests.
You can start by eliminating clutter and placing your child’s keepsakes in storage. Revive lapsed friendships or build new ones. Restart your career even if it’s been awhile or study a course in something that interests you.
This is the time to finally accomplish all the things you promised yourself you’d get around to one day. Assisting in the community is often rewarded with the comfort of knowing you can still make such a difference.
Focus on the positive
You have less stress and responsibilities now that you don’t have to do as much shopping and household chores.
The best part is feeling extremely proud of yourself for having raised a child who is capable of thriving and surviving on their own. It is a truly sad, yet exciting time and the beginning of a new stage in your life.
In the not too distant future, you will be grandparents and the next interactive cycle with your children begins.
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