Text: Sam Toweel-Moore. Photography: Gallo Images/Thinkstock Photos: Elite Photo Agency/Shutterstock. Article from the January 2014 issue of Living and Loving Magazine.
Understanding your children’s personality types can help influence the way you empower them.
Recent studies have revealed that your child’s personality – the way she thinks, feels and behaves in a consistent manner over time – should influence your parenting style. This will help ensure that your child develops optimally. In her book, Crack the Code of Human Personality, Dr Tina Thomas discloses the biology of human personality.
She explains that there are three main neurotransmitter pathways in the human brain. Neurotransmitters are chemicals that nerves use to communicate with each other. These nerve communication chains lead to thoughts, feelings or behaviour.
Neurotransmitters that influence how your child’s wired:
- Norepinephrine: How your child thinks.
- Serotonin: How your child feels.
- Dopamine: How your child behaves.
The levels of these three neurotransmitters are set at certain intensities when your child’s born. This influences their genetic personality code and it often differs from their parents or siblings’ personality codes.
This specific coding shades the lens through which a child perceives the first six years of his life.
As he perceives himself and his world through this observation lens he lays down mental maps that create the basis of his self-fulfilling prophesy.
This means that your child will make predictions about himself and the world. Ultimately, these beliefs will influence his actions to that ensure the prediction comes true. For example, if he concludes, “I’m a disappointment,” he’ll live this belief and lead a life that leaves him feeling that he’s a disappointment.
Q
Can you influence your child’s personality?
A
Yes. Neurotransmitter levels rise and fall under different conditions.
Norepinephrine can be increased by sensory stimulation, competition-related stress or if he eats a lot of chocolate and drinks caffeine-based beverages. Reduce this by letting your child perform repetitive muscle movements like chewing or walking.
Stress, pain and fatigue can cause serotonin levels to drop. Carbohydrates, happy music and kindness will help increase these levels in your child.
A high-protein and fresh fruit diet can increase dopamine levels.
It’s important to teach your child selfvalue and instill a ‘yes I can’ attitude. This will help him brave life’s most tempestuous storms.
Did you know?
Children who have high levels of norepinephrine think and speak fast and find it difficult to switch off their racing minds.
However, kids with low levels tend to daydream, speak slowly, fall asleep easily and rely on intuition to make decisions.
Serotonin’s related to your child’s well-being.
Kids who are born with high serotonin levels tend to be positive. In turn, kids with low levels react to their circumstances. They have short tempers and high anxiety levels.
Low dopamine levels can lead to low motivation and a short attention span.
√ Your child’s personality
Hettie Brits, educational specialist and author of Growing Kids with Character, identities four temperaments that she equates to different types of saplings.
Here’s a brief outline to help you recognise your little ‘sapling’.
Is he a palmtree?
He’s cheerful, social, vocal, enthusiastic, a daredevil and seeks constant recognition.
Your child also struggles to fall asleep or wait his turn.
Is he a rose bush?
He’s determined, starts temper tantrums early, likes to master things by himself, seems self-confident and may bully friends.
He likes to explore his world and play with older friends.
Is he a lollipop?
He tends to be quiet and serious. He likes structure, rules and becomes discouraged easily. He tends to pick up on covert rules and enjoys art and music.
His emotions are complex and he often has one good friend.
Is he a pine tree?
He seems laid back and tends to enjoy observing rather than doing.
He doesn’t like (and tends to avoid) risk or conflict. He’s willing to help and please you, but doesn’t like to exert himself physically.
Know your child’s love language
How do you bring out the best in your child? When your child’s needs are met, discipline becomes a smaller issue and creative growth flourishes.
Palm Tree
Give her the spotlight.
- She loves applause, medals and certificates. She seeks the company of those who pay her the most attention.
- Be flexible. Create a sequence instead of set times. For example, you need to eat before you bath.
- Value her unique ideas and thoughts. She’s imaginative.
- Get physical. She thrives on hugs and kisses.
- Keep her stimulated. Boredom creates bad behaviour and tanturms.
- Weed out the negative. She feeds on positive environments and words.
- Laugh and be silly.
Rose Bush
Let her be in charge of small things.
- She likes being ‘grown up’ and responsible. For example, let her carry the shopping list when shopping.
- Create chores. She values these little jobs and sees them as a chance to show her worth. For example, let her feed the pets.
- Combine clear instructions with clear reasons for these instructions.
- Give choices. Provide consequences for every choice and set boundaries.
- For example, “If you choose not to put away your toys, you choose not to have your toys to play with this afternoon”.
- Ensure that she has enough time to spend outdoors.
- When your child’s rude and uncooperative, make an “I feel… when…” statement.
- Competition brings out her best. Encourage her to compete in activities.
Lollipop
Let her overhear you complimenting her in conversation with others.
- Warn her beforehand about schedule changes.
- She likes to rules. Make them clear and be consistent.
- Provide wind-down time to promote relaxation.
- Encourage self-expression through creative mediums.
- Acknowledge her feelings; being understood is of utmost importance to her.
Pinetree
Celebrate traditions.
- Your child likes constants – they keep her grounded.
- Spend time together. She’s content in her quietness.
- Although she won’t share many words, spending time together builds trust.
- Build belonging. Find groups that your child enjoys being part of. To observe and enjoy others’ joy is often enough social participation for her.
- Support her passions. She’ll often enjoy one activity rather than a variety. Affirm her.
- Encourage rather than criticise. A quiet pat on the back is valued.
Tip: Your child views the world in a unique manner. When parents force their view on their kids, they might think that there’s something wrong with their perceptions of life.
Should I worry that my child’s quiet?
This depends. Why is your child quiet? is it his fear of social judgment? Or is she an introvert? Introversion’s about how your child responds to stimulation (Including social stimulation).
Extroverts crave large amounts of sociai stimulation. Introverts are most attentive, capable and engaged in quieter environments. One out of two or three children are introverts. This means that solitude matters. They’re valuable members of society and are found to be great leaders, as they’re able to respect the ideas and works of others without the need to seek the attention for themselves.
They also have higher school grades on average than extroverts. Importantly, they enjoy satisfying long-term relationships, just in a less seeking manner. All you need to do as a parent is respect and affirm them.
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