Text: Andrea Kellerman. Photography: Gallo Images/Getty Images; Elite Photo Agency/Shutterstock. Article from the July 2013 issue of Living and Loving Magazine.
To ensure healthy emotional growth, it’s important to notice if your little one is feeling unworthy or lacking in confidence.
Low self-esteem is often associated with teenagers and young adults, not to mention some mature adults. But do you know that children become self-aware and develop their self-image from a young age? They are evaluating how they feel about themselves, even if they aren’t conscious of it.
It’s important to understand just what self-esteem is, why it’s so important, how it affects even young children and how to monitor its effects.
What is self-esteem?
Our self-esteem is made up of our self worth and how valuable we feel in relation to our surrounding environment. In this context, it’s the degree to which children consider themselves acceptable by their peers and those they consider important.
It can vary from day to day and is something we define for ourselves from a very early age. Although the particular age is often debated, it seems that it begins in infancy, continues into adulthood and is closely related to perceived positive outcomes. It is built up of what we think of ourselves and how others react to us. If both are in harmony, we can develop good self-esteem.
How self-esteem develops
The development of self-esteem begins early in life and follows various stages:
Infancy (1-2 months)
Infants begin to develop their self-esteem as soon as they’re born. They’re able to distinguish themselves as separate from mom and develop an awareness of their own physical self as they recognise their ability to affect their environment.
Their self-esteem begins to develop as they recognise they’re consistently loved and taken care of. Parents and caregivers are vital as they can teach the child he’s loved, safe and secure.
Toddlerhood (1-3 years)
During toddlerhood, children learn about themselves by learning what they look like, what they can do and where they belong.
Toddlers find it difficult to share since they are just starting to learn who they are and what is theirs. They view themselves through the eyes of their primary caregivers, so if they’re shown love and treated as special, self-esteem is promoted. Toddlers who feel unloved find it more difficult to develop self-worth.
Preschool (3-5 years)
By this age, children have a much better understanding of themselves and how they fit into the world around them. They’re happier to be alone and spend time away from their primary caregivers.
Their self-esteem is highly dependent on their physical attributes like height, weight and abilities. Parents can have a positive impact by encouraging friendships, listening to their children, and encouraging problem-solving scenarios.
If needs aren’t met in any of these stages, self-esteem will generally be low and they’ll try to consistently please others when they’re older.
Signs and symptoms of low self-esteem
Children with low self- esteem can exhibit some of the following characteristics:
- Shyness, leading them to avoid warm contact with new people.
- Giving up quickly on challenges or difficult questions, despite knowing the answers.
- Pessimism, making negative statements about themselves like: ‘Nobody likes me.’
- Perfectionism in an effort to avoid being criticised.
- Fear of failure, so they prefer putting off doing a task.
- Insecurity, causing withdrawal from society.
What you can do
Nurture positive self-worth in your child:
To create a sense of achievement, involve her in realistic, but not difficult, tasks like washing dishes or cleaning up after meals.- Praise her for her efforts, but not the result, to encourages the spirit of trying.
- Allow her to make mistakes, because she’ll learn from them.
- Listen carefully, because what’s important to you might not be important to her.
- Encourage her curiosity and do not belittle her.
- Display the skills you’d like her to have, like emotional control and good habits. She’ll copy everything you say and do.
- Work on your own self-esteem. The better you feel, the happier she’ll be.
The effects of low self- esteem
A child’s low self-esteem early in life can significantly impact her ability to function later. Here are some of the potential effects.
Communication skills: As the child becomes an adult, poorly formed communication patterns carry through, which can lead to difficulty in achieving her goals.
Relationships: Adults who don’t value themselves often don’t see why others should do so.
Negative thoughts and feelings: An adult with chronic low self-esteem may be more inclined to internalise and suppress her negative feelings, giving rise to depression and anxiety, comfort eating and a lack of personal boundary setting.
Reactivity: As a result of negative and internalised feelings, we sometimes lash out at others. In adults, this can often lead to being otstracised by others.
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