As a parent, with a little preparation, compromising skills, and important negotiation you could get your child to do what is expected of them in a positive way.
The role of the disciplinarian in the family can be the most taxing experience and in most cases we allow the heat of the moment to get the better of us. However, taking into consideration that harsh discipline is about imposing your control and power over your child – you may want to rethink your tactics.
Negative discipline can in most cases be counterproductive – where a child becomes angry, resentful and even vengeful. Not only does it cause retaliation and resistance, but it can encourage the child to start lying and covering up their misdemeanors to avoid being punished.
Researchers claim being a strict parent can be positive for a child as long as the discipline is tempered with affection and love. If your child believes their punishment is coming from “a good place”, there shouldn’t be antisocial behaviour further down the line.
Smacking is however, controversial and has been found to sometimes manifest in delinquency, aggression and hyperactivity. Thrashing is to be avoided at all costs.
So how does one change from negative discipline to a more positive approach that can encourage your child towards a positive mindset?
To start, don’t confuse positive discipline with letting your child get away with whatever they want. Parents who allow their children to do as they please, often have difficulty committing to decisions and struggle with poor self-control.
Positive discipline is developing your child’s social skills and positive values for life. Many parents aim to raise a child who is adaptable, responsible, and adept at negotiating and compromising; skilled at communication and able to amenably think their way out of situations.
Positive discipline encourages parenting in a kind, warm and respectful way, instilling firm, fair boundaries and reasonable consequences.
Positive attention and encouraging compliments are an effective way to enable your child to respond to disapproval.
A criticised or nagged child will eventually tune out. When you reprimand your child, try doing it in a respectful, polite and positive manner. Avoid using threats, sarcasm, teasing, labeling or shouting as this just encourages a negative response. State what needs to happen and not what you want to stop. Give your child time to respond in the same manner you’d like to be treated in the situation.
Use reward charts and special treats to encourage positive behaviour and to further reinforce specific pre-agreed behaviours. If your child still doesn’t respond positively, you may choose to impose a relevant consequence. In other words, if your little one carries on throwing a toy at their sibling, after being asked to stop, take the toy away from him for half an hour.
When your child loses control or gets upset, don’t dismiss their concerns – instead, show empathy and concern. Show respect for your child’s feelings, listen to their ideas and practise practical solutions.,
Every parent feels overwhelmed and irritated and it’s easier to impose a harsh discipline. When you feel stressed take time out, go for a walk and simultaneously you’ll be modelling appropriate behaviour to your child.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you feel self-critical or dwell on your unhappiness with regards to how you disciplined your child.
Take time out to remind yourself of all the times you have handled things well. Hone in on when your parenting skills have been positive and work towards a brighter future for both you and your child.
Related Content
