ShowMe South Africa

Take 11 bikers, 6 days, 5 nights, one back-up vehicle and 2,000 km of road and you have the South African equivalent of Charley and Ewan’s first epic adventure… But we called it ‘Lazy Way Round’.

I don’t remember how I became the trip planner for this year’s tour.

I guess I had a more ‘vocal’ opinion during the brainstorming sessions leading up to solidifying the trip. Or maybe nobody else wanted the job? Who knows..?

What I do know is I had to plan a trip bearing the following in mind: The lads wanted around 300-400km per day of mixed roads; they wanted their own rooms and wanted a mix of experiences.

For me, the greatest challenge was finding accommodation that could sleep 13 men without having to share (rooms). So I phoned around, googled and asked for advice from helpful tourist agencies and eventually we had the accommodation sorted. All I needed to do was ‘connect the dots’ in an interesting way. Easy!

Day 1 • Knysna to Barrydale

Around 7:30 on Thursday morning, as I pulled into Knysna Nissan, I realised just how challenging this trip would (or could) be because there, lined up in the forecourt, were my riding buddies… all on big, badass BMW R 1200 GS’s. My comparatively small KLR (2008 model) thump, thump thumped into place between two ‘fat boys’ – and yes I mean the bikes. I had given my bike a little lift with a Bosson Performance slip-on pipe, and boy did it sound good: thump, thump Brrrrrrrm!

We pulled out of the garage with many onlookers and a few hand motions urging us to rev up the engines… I did: Brrraaaam! So did the one and only Africa Twin: Brrraaaam. I could have sworn I heard applause over the sound of 8 bikes roaring up, what was 10 minutes earlier, a quiet and tranquil main street. We were off.

After collecting three other rental bikes from George (more big BMW’s) we hit the road making it in extremely good time to Eight Bells Mountain Inn at the Robinson Pass. It was here we stopped for ‘brunch’ and the first frosty. They say time flies when you’re having fun and I agree. It was without too much effort or a sense of long-toothedness that we were turning off the R62 for a fun dirt track detour on the way to Calitzdorp. With all the riders now starting to find their ‘groove’ a few power slides, skids and front wheel lifts emerged from the more experienced among us.

And then the drop…

Over it went. A crunching thud of BMW 1200GS against loose gravel. Thank goodness Joe (his name changed to protect his ego!) was only parking. It sent shivers up our collective spines to think we’d already dropped one, and the really tough stuff still lay ahead… then the laughter. Poor bloke. I would not have wanted to be Joe at that point.

11 out of 12 egos still intact we pushed on past Ladysmith and into the legendary Ronnie’s Sex Shop. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a pub-cum-restaurant in the middle of ‘nowhere-karoo’ that biker’s love to frequent. The ‘sex’ part is a practical joke-turned-marketing success and very few vehicles pass Ronnie’s without at least having a peek. Ha!

Bikers refuelled we chased the last of the sunlight over the remaining few kilometres to The Barrydale – an over-the-top, eccentric hotel that has to be experienced to be believed. And with one of the best steakhouses I have ever eaten at – Bistro Blues – a mere 41 paces (I counted) from the hotel, it’s a great place to indulge before hitting the comfortable beds over the road.

Day 2 • Barrydale to Riebeek Kasteel

The next morning brought with it good and bad. Through the window was ideal riding weather for our trip onto Riebeek. That was the good. The bad? One of our riders had been struck with a bad case of Gastro making it near-impossible to ride. But he’s a tough bugger and pressed on through difficult and winding passes, through Ceres and into Kasteel. By the time we had hit the Cook & Gardener restaurant for dinner our fellow biker was ghostlike and far too quite. Our recovery driver organised a trip to the local doctor – he had it bad and was extremely dehydrated. Dangerously so. However the colour returned to his face by the next morning giving relief to the concern of day two’s events.

The drive from Barrydale is a beautiful one. Opting to bypass Robertson and Worcester (too busy) we turned North at Montagu and head up to Matroosberg. From this high plateau the GS’s earned their street-cred by obliterating the Swaarmoed Pass in a matter of minutes – with the rest of us not far behind. The view of big bikes canyon carving below was awesome. I had my own fun too – pulling away from the heavies (yes, the bikes) on a 3km twisting, dark grey gravel track. The KLR has the right stuff for both road and gravel, but off-ing is where it’s at for me…

Most of the bikes took it slow past the interesting scenery of the Koue Bokkeveld: Cherry blossoms, scattered dams, dips and turns… oh and a huge swarm of bees, two stings in the neck of a non-allergic rider was the cost… Luckily non-allergic!

Again, and just the other side of Gouda, we opted for more gravel and sand. More fun for me, the KLE and the new BMW X-Country!

In contrast to the opulence of The Barrydale, we checked into quaint farm cottages about 7km outside Riebeek. The ex-biker who runs the place was kind enough to lift us into Riebeek West for our meal and fetch us close to midnight. What a guy – he would hear nothing of us riding after more than two beers.

Day 3 • Riebeek Kasteel to Lambert’s Bay

With foul weather now looming and forewarnings about the thunderstorm to come we quickly gathered our kit, packed the Double Cab and set off… Westwards Ho!

The first of the rain only set in about half way to Paternoster (where we stopped for refreshments). It wasn’t until the wind picked up to around 50km/hour that we began to feel uncomfortable on the road towards Lambert’s Bay. The KLR’s a great bike, but some of that is because it’s lighter than most other duals, and most certainly the twins… Nevertheless all made it into a drizzly, cold and grey Lambert’s in time for the New Zealand rugby game – we had a kiwi amongst us you see. The day ended well for all but the Kiwi (for the obvious reason – SA won!).

For dinner, and I have to mention the place, we rented a 45-seater bus to take us to Muisbosskerm – a rustic ‘S’african’ restaurant perched on the beach. Well worth the dinner ticket, trip and friendly experience. And the food – seafood, kreef, roasts and potjies – is top, top notch.

Day 4 • Lambert’s Bay to Sutherland

The chaps did not know about the Sutherland leg beforehand. It was my surprise for them. When we eventually got up (far too early) the idea of abandoning Sutherland altogether was tabled. It was pouring with rain and blowing a gale. But, being the tough lads they are, they decided we would alter the route and push up North to Calvinia, then East to Sutherland after all – mainly because only two of the twelve had ever been there, and most would probably never go there if it weren’t for the tour.

And if the coastal town of Lambert’s Bay was frigid, Sutherland would be the opposite of hell. What we did not realise was the extent of the gravel roads. Thinking our map was old and outdated we were sure that the roads would be mostly tarred. Well, 394km from Lambert’s to Sutherland, and over 320km of it the worst kind of dirt. The first section was up, down and roundabout with exposed slate (gleaming and slippery with rain). That was the ‘easy’ section. From Calvinia we encountered one solid 140km stretch of sand, hard clay and razor-sharp gravel. 140km of standing on foot-pegs. 140km of rain, hail and sleet. And the Fiji / S.A. game staring in less than 3 hours. We HAD to make it.

With some hair-raising wobbles (it looked as if a few of the riders were ‘rowing’ their handlebars) we found our ‘comfort zone’. In no time at all we were flying inches above the dangerously sharp shards of rock, slipping over sandy mounds and bouncing through the drifts. When I did have the luxury of a few meters of ‘good’ dirt I took in the surrounding scenery – sparse shrubs, red-stained koppies and menacing skies. It’s like riding on the surface of Mars and is a humbling experience, and one that makes you realise just how huge this country is.

And as we crossed the last remaining kilometre, over the threshold and onto tar (sweet tar) it started to snow. That was the welcome to Southern Africa’s coldest town. The White House backpackers however offered more in the way of warmth for 12 hungry, thirsty, sore and exhausted men: a big fire, 12 Ports – followed by beer… and lots of it.

The road is bad, Sutherland is cold but I could not recommend the area more highly. For many of us the experience is one we may not repeat, but will never forget. (Go do it!).

Day 5 • Sutherland to Prince Albert

The ride out of Sutherland offered a façade of good weather: no wind, clear skies and blinding sunlight. Just a single kilometre out of town the façade quickly faded… Four-below zero (yes, celcius) with a wind-chill approaching ten-below. The scenery was awesome if you could take your attention away from the tips of you fingers which seemed to be in the process of freezing off. When we hit Matjiesfontein I had all the BMW guys laughing at the fact I could not move three fingers on my left hand… while they explained just how well heated hand grips work. I’m getting some of those!

Matjiesfontein is an amazing place with a deep-seated frontier character. If it weren’t for work I’d have liked to stay for a night or two. But, one more night in one of my favourite towns awaited so it would have to be another time.

We had no plans to ride along the N1, but the Sutherland leg (stopping for photographs, video and just to defrost) took up more time than we realised. A tour of the Royal Suite and history of the Lord Milner Hotel helped put us several hours behind schedule (what’s a schedule doing on a bike trip anyway you may ask?), so we opted for the straightest, fastest route. I hated every second of the N1 – It’s a noisy, crowded and aggressive piece of road with absolutely no personality. When the turnoff to Prince Albert Road finally came into sight I breathed easier. An easy ride into Prince Albert took us to the Swartberg Hotel and our last night on the road.

Day 6 • Prince Albert to Knysna

The last day was a classic case of “smelling the stables”… There was an almost rushed visit to Meiringspoort (we were to take on Swartberg Pass but the Southern face was impassable)… and a quick drink at Herrie se Plek in De Rust. The last remaining 130km was a back-track through Outdshoorn, George and Sedge… we’d seen it all on the way out, so gunned it back to the comfort of home.

With 12 people travelling nearly 24,000 collective kilometres through mud, rain, wind, demanding terrain and battling illness it’s amazing that we’re all unscathed. And any tour that you walk away from is a good one.

As one rider put it: “A bad day’s riding still beats a great day at work”.

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Do you have a great riding route in and around Knysna or the Garden Route. Send it to knysna@showme.co.za and we’ll look at having it published!