There are many reasons why people have affairs and even though it appears thrilling in the beginning, many lives are torn apart. If the thought has crossed your mind, take a moment to reflect on the pros and cons that come with leading a double life.
Generally speaking society has always accepted, that men have a higher sex drive than women – both in intensity and frequency and have difficulty with monogamy.
However research suggests that this is not the primary reason why men have affairs. The problem is many men aren’t able to express their emotions, worries, sexual or physical issues and are likely to feel quite lonely at some point in their lives or feel emotionally let down.
Men find it hard to talk openly for a variety of reasons – from not wanting to hurt their partner’s feelings to fears of criticism or being lectured. Unlike women, men don’t generally discuss their marital issues with close friends as they feel they are somehow protecting their interests by keeping silent. This can eventually leave them vulnerable and open to the complication of an affair.
There are some men that are serial cheaters, occupied with boosting a well hidden fragile ego. Yet over 60% of the men who do cheat, say they never imagined themselves cheating until it actually happened. The positive attention from a female friend can be easily eroticized, making the temptation great.
Affairs often fill a void that is missing in one’s current relationship, whether it is loneliness or boredom. It can be used as a way to escape an underlying unhappiness, stir feelings of long lost passion, boost the self esteem or boil down to just plain sexual relief. Sometimes an affair may also develop into a meaningful, valued and caring relationship that goes on for many years.
However, for many, an affair comes at a price and isn’t always loving, fun and risk-free. Besides living daily with the guilt of having hurt your spouse, unbeknownst to her – you could get caught. The risk of pain is a primary con as it involves and affects your entire family.
You may have to consider whether your partner would want you as a main feature in their life. In some cases, people who have affairs with married folk are content with the freedom of the relationship and that’s why they have chosen to be with you in the first place. You could land up as many others, divorced, taken to the cleaners and completely alone and miserable.
Every relationship is unique and every affair different. You have the last say when it comes to how far your temptations run. If you love your spouse and family, learn to express your feelings and find positive ways to alleviate some of the issues that bother you and eventually with love and trust, you’ll have a marriage worth talking about.
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