Text: Gareth Dean. Article from the December 2013 issue of CAR Magazine.
Whether it’s attending to a broken leg in the Russian wilderness, recovering troops under fire or carrying out an operation at an accident scene, these wonders of medical motoring deserve to be recognised
1. Intensive Car
Mercedes-Benz Dubai Ambulance Services Citaro
Given the number of exotic supercars plying the traffic-clogged roads of Dubai, it’s little wonder that the Middle East’s capital of extravagance should be home to the world’s largest ambulances. These intensive-care units bring the hospital to the scene of the incident and come in three configurations, the largest of which is an articulated leviathan that has enough treatment and transport capacity to deal with 80 patients.
The apex model features three observation bays that can be converted into a fully equipped operating theatre, the world’s smallest X-ray unit and obstetrical utilities with incubator to deal with premature or caesarean births. It also features a 12 000-litre oxygen tank, a communication centre and an advanced Inspectra patient-shock monitoring module. The bus can also be fitted with a rear-mounted equipment box packed with life-saving goodies such as additional treatment tents, generators and a decontamination system with hazmat suits. Impressive stuff, but you have to ask yourself whether the medics crewing this 65-foot monster have to apply for planning permission at the scene of any accident they attend…
2. Who you gonna call?
Cadillac Miller-Meteor
If you were to attach any attribute to an ambulance, beauty is not one of them. Still, the ’59 Cadillac Miller-Meteor is a far cry from the blocky, utilitarian chariots we see today. This jewel of the Miller-Meteor Professional Cars range (i.e. hand built, custom-bodied vehicles based on passenger cars) sported lofty tailfins with dual-bullet brakelamps, billowing bodywork and more chrome than a rapper’s dentistry, not to mention a lazy 6,4-litre V8 under that vast hood. While the Caddy’s arrival could be construed as a means of keeping the Grim Reaper at bay, it was also worth noting that many of these cars did service as hearses, not to mention the Ghostbusters’ company car, Ecto-1.
3. Medevac Mutant
GAZ-53/DT-75 Crawler Combo
You can always trust the Russians to come up with a plethora of vehicles that fall squarely into the “wheeled weirdo” category, so why not an ambulance? This bizarre cross-pollination of GAZ-53 truck and DT-75 caterpillar tractor may look as though it should be mounting a missile silo on its back, but the cross on the door and tented treatment box on the tail show it to be one mean-looking medevac motor. Given that the tracks don’t touch the ground, we can only assume that they come into play when the truck is beached. That, or it falls into the same impressive-but-useless bracket as the failed “Conkordski” airliner, which could hit Mach 2 but had a tendency to turn into a supersonic lawn dart.
4. Seriously rapid response
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG Emergency Medical Concept
When you fear that the red stuff in question may be arterial, the speed at which help arrives is of the essence. Although motorcycle medics can claim faster response times owing to their ability to weave through the throngs of onlookers, they would be blown into the weeds by this SLS AMG-based concept’s 317 km/h top whack. In addition to likely being the fastest emergency-response vehicle on wheels, this SLS (of which one rolling example is said to exist) also boasts explosive charges in its gullwing doors to blast them off in a rollover. Great stuff, but you can only imagine how the poor soul who’s meant to be saved by one of these things would feel to see their rescuer flip onto his roof and them seemingly explode.
5. Bandage under fire
BAE Land Systems South Africa RG-33 Heavy Armoured Ground Ambulance
That Russian mutant may have looked mean, but it’s unlikely to survive machine gun fire or a mine blast. That’s the job of the locally developed RG-33, a 6×6 armoured ambulance based on the Mamba mine-proof troop carrier. It features a modular interior setup capable of transporting three stretchered casualties or six seated troops and network-enabled patient monitoring system. As per Geneva Convention provisions, the RG-33, like most field ambulances, isn’t armed. The Israeli armed forces’ Merkava main battle tank-based “Tankbulance”, however, bucked the trend. It mounted a 120 mm gun, .50-calibre machine gun and a mortar. The only concession to ambulance status was room for two casualties, medics and a portable life-support system where the extra ammunition would normally lie.
